If I were to be completely honest

Much is made of being honest in the workplace, and rightly so. If we cannot rely on one another, the progress we may make and, indeed the success of the team, is at significant risk. In fact, I've blogged about honesty - in at least a tangential manner - on more than one occasion in the past.^[1]

Typically, we think about "honest" in self-referential terms - e.g. I am being honest, but I believe that's inappropriate. Being "honest"^[2] is a social construct that can only be understood externally. In essence, "honest" is an attribute one can assign to someone (or something) else, but attempts to assign it to themselves makes little sense, in part because assigning it to ourselves is in itself not honest - basically, if we are to be honest, we are not honest. We can reasonably argue the semantics of honesty, truth, and deception with regard to general communication; however, that's tangential to this post - which makes it more a conversation for the pub (or the comment section). And I could just parrot Mr. Ballinger's recent post about honesty,^[3] but since this is my blog, I'm going to put my own take on it and go beyond the little "white lies" we tell each other and focus on the deeper, more insidious dishonesty pervasive in organizations - a method of relating to people we might call the "game of thrones".

In the vast majority of organizations I've enjoyed work with, there has been an underlying political current that can easily carry away the unwary. In some cases people are far enough on the periphery that they can easily survive in the eddies of political maneuvering or simply wade in the shoals with little risk; in other cases, people fall victim to strong or hidden currents, often without even being aware they were at risk. In popular culture, the Song of Ice and Fire series gives us one scenario after another wherein words are carefully chosen to be accurate but not precise or, in some cases, to actively deceive, and always delivered concern and sincerity - and nearly always resulting in a character's death. This pattern is prevalent enough in corporate culture that there is a term for it - grin-fucking.^[5]

While our lives at work would be markedly more pleasant if this pattern of political maneuvering passed into the dustbin of history, and there are all sorts of blog posts that suggest just that,^[6] it is extremely unlikely that such an event will ever happen. Where does this leave us - the few brave souls who would stand in the breach to prevent the rampaging hoards - or perhaps the skittering vermin?

First, keep in mind that just as in Martin's fantasy, the threat does not generally come from the King-Beyond-the-Wall but from those whose cause you fight for every day. This is a sad, hard fact - one that people will try to deny for their group as they claim that their group does not (or would not) engage in grin-fucking. Trust everyone but cut the cards^[7] - it is more likely that, contrary to popular idioms, what you don't know will hurt you.

Second, just because other people are grin-fucking that doesn't mean you have to engage in the behavior. There will be risk involved with disassociating yourself from those who engage in the game of thrones. It is unlikely, even with the support of upper management, that corporate culture will shift dramatically when the currents are strong. Sometimes it will be the case that, as Cersei says, you win or you die, and in other cases you will be able to avoid the headsman. In both cases, however, you will find that your life will be better - which is really what is important.

Notes:

1. Trust everyone at the table, but cut the cards anyway and Ethical conflicts are like the TARDIS
2. Honest is defined as "free from fraud or deception; genuine or real; humble or plain; reputable or respectable; creditable or praiseworthy; marked by integrity; marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression; innocent or simple"
3. No filter: the meanest thing Paul Graham said to a startup
4. The Song of Ice and Fire is also known by the name of the first novel in the series A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin
5. Dishonest assent accompanied by a smile, and often other social niceties. Urban Dictionary definition
6. Don't be a Grin Fucker and Public and Open Debate is the Highest Form of Democracy are two of the better entries on the list.
7. "Trust everyone but cut the cards" is Robert's Rule #18, and comes from a series of rules loosely fashioned after the Wizard's Rules.
8. George R. R. Martin quotes.